Many of my posts will end up including my son for the simple reason that he is such a big part of my life. My son was born this past summer (2013) and he is our first child. It has been a life changer. All the sayings about having a baby are true: "I really miss my old life, but I wouldn't change a thing."; "It is really hard."; "It is a lot of work". I never really understood these things until I too was a Mom.
As with many pre-moms, I thought I might be different. Things wouldn't change that much. How hard could it really be? I will be Super Mom! I had a good job with potential for growth. My career and personal life were important to me. We didn't go out a lot, but my husband and I enjoyed movies, dinners out, camping, hiking, etc. We'd just strap in the kid and bring him along!
But life has changed. And it is not all bad, it is just different. And it has taken some time to get used to. It takes more time to get out the door in the morning. It takes more planning to go on an outing. It takes more stuff too. How can a baby need so much stuff? We still do lots of things and get out a lot, but we have had to modify our timeline and our expectations. We stayed overnight in a cottage when he was six weeks old. We went hiking when he was a few weeks old (albeit not that far). We are planning to travel this winter with him, just not to anywhere crazy.
For me, getting used to the fact that my life has changed has taken some time. I used to run projects at work, organize contractors, talk to clients. Now I am at home with my son on maternity leave and my big decisions are: What should he wear today? Does he have a dirty diaper? Why is he crying now? This is what my life had been reduced to! And I wasn't sure if I was OK with it.
I am now starting my 6th month of maternity leave and I am finally at peace with these changes. It has helped to become part of a Moms group, and to have daily plans of things to do like swimming and going to the library. I miss being at work and the personal time I used to have to do the things I love, but I can't imagine going back to work yet and having someone else look after my son. He is so young still, and he is now starting to be more fun and interactive. How can I go back to work and miss all of his daily changes?
Tonight is my first night out with the girls since my son was born. I am super excited to get out and do something for myself, but will also miss being home with my husband and son. We are putting him to bed now and I will soon start to get ready to go out. I feel like I am almost ready for bed myself! When did I get so old? Tonight we will be heading to the bar at a time I would normally be thinking of going to bed. I have been half dreading tonight all day. I am really looking forward to going out, but not looking forward to how I will feel tomorrow when I still have to operate and take care of a baby when I am tired and potentially hungover. For his part my husband has been really good - he is all set up for feedings tonight and in the early morning so I can have a break. Bring on the night on the town!!!
Here we go! I need to do this so that I can not just feel like a mom all the time but also feel like myself again. Tonight is about me :)
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