Bloging: My Guilty Pleasure

Just to clear the air before this whole this gets going - this will not just be a blog on happiness tools/tips/trials, but since writing itself makes me feel good, I am sure that much of this blog will contain my random thoughts and musings on my life in general. On good days this will be a great way to reflect on my life, on tougher days it will be my way to talk through things and help get them out of my system so that I can get beyond them and move on with my life. As with many people, I find that I have the need to think through/talk through things that bother or upset me before I can let them go and move on to bigger and better things.

This blog will be my guilty little pleasure - something I have thought about doing for a long time, but have never got around to doing. Now with the new year starting and my resolution to make changes in my life that will make me happier, I have had the push I need to get going.

Last night I lay in bed before sleep and reflected on the day. My husband and I had taken our son on his first sled ride on the sled we had bought him for Christmas. He enjoyed the ride to Grandma and Grandpa's house, where we played a spontaneous game of Euchre. On the way home he fell asleep on the sled ride. It was a fun and magical moment to see him experience and enjoy something for the first time. Being able to watch him experience his 'firsts' is amazing and is something that brings me joy every day.

Tonight I will think again about my day and the past days leading up to it. I will think about the happy moments - today my son and I visited a friend and we got to catch up while the kids played; we snuggled under a warm blanket while he took a nap; he tasted avocado for the first time and made a bunch of really goofy faces. It was by no means an adventurous or exciting or groundbreaking day, but it was a good day.

At this time of night I often think of what I would have liked to have been different during the day. Most of it I wouldn't care to change, but what about some of the small things? Could I have done something different to make a change? Would I feel better for it?

After our son went to bed, I watched a movie on the couch with my husband. We lay side by side under a blanket and it seemed we snuggled more for warmth than to be together. I could have reached out more to actually snuggle and have the warm fuzzy feeling but I didn't. He didn't really either. There is no reason for it - I was mostly just tired and didn't want to put the 'effort' in. Looking back, would it have been much 'effort'? This is when my brain starts to run away with itself - did he not snuggle me because he doesn't care? Or was he, like me, tired after a long day and didn't put in the 'effort' to be extra caring and loving?

And so my brain races on, and as I write I vow to stop myself. Why can I not put in this effort and make it so? Will snuggling with him make us both feel happier and loved?

Today's resolution: Although I cannot change the past, after posting this I will go upstairs and climb into bed and SNUGGLE and tell him how much I love him. We will both feel warm and fuzzy. Next time I will put in the 'effort' since it seems we have so little time to ourselves since our son was born. I hope these things can help change our habits so that it no longer feels like an 'effort' and just becomes second nature.